havant sep 3

Tour Match Report 1: We HAVANT a Chance...................

1. Pre-Match Preparation

The Friday night of our visit to the New Forest was approached by those attending with great anticipation, ready to set off into the world of fun, frolics and outright skulduggery, known as the Charlton Down Cricket Tour. The events of the social side of the tour will remain, as they say, ‘on tour’, but those who were there will have some great memories of many events and will no doubt be willing to share.

Saturday morning arrived fresh and clear, unlike the tourists, who eventually awoke and sat ‘quietly’ in the breakfast room offending other hotel visitors, families etc. After much apathy and listless inactivity the fantastic 5 (Homeskin, Sid, Doylie, Merv and Olly) realised the need to buy tea and beer and soon returned with a shopping trolley borrowed from Budgens loaded down with goodies, filled the fridge with beer and left no room for anything else. The trolley still remains somewhere in the grounds of the Penny Farthing Hotel.

Making your own match tea and renting the ground from a team to play their opposition, without the knowledge of that same opposition, when you are a touring side is pretty creative even from this hapless tour organiser, but that was where we were when we arrived at the lovely ground of Curdridge CC. The rest of the tourists had arrived earlier at the hotel and the convoy had set off for the 30 min trip. I use convoy in the loosest sense as apparently to SiD this means drive off at high speed and attempt to make sure you lose everyone else in the convoy!

Two things were noticeable as we arrived, firstly the realisation that Doylie had left his kit in the hotel, some 30 mins away, there is, as they say, no substitute for experience!! Secondly SiD had taken Weasley to a petrol station to get a drink and driven off without him. These were small hiccups eventually overcome, as spare kit was found and Weasley took the long walk.

2. Build Up to The Match

Havant have won the Southern League Premier Division four times in the last five years, given the level of players they have in their team this is not surprising. Whilst applauding these successes, it is probably fair to say the level of the two teams could not really be further apart. So when the Havant captain was greeted with an opposition of bleary eyed, hungover miscreants, some of whom took up the sport in the last year, some of whom may have had their best days some while ago and number of which had significantly increased their trouser size in recent years, he would be forgiven for not envisaging a competitive contest.

He did however retain his sense of humour, given the howls of laughter when Doylie explained the skill levels present and various fitness states of the side.

He explained he had 6 premier league players in the side, one of whom had scored over 4,000 runs for the MCC, another who captained Cardiff University and fielded for England in a test match, as well as a host of other high achievers.

In a somewhat condescending manner he agreed to bat first and stated he would do his best to give us some kind of game. The CD side retreated to the dressing room with a fair degree of apprehension regarding the 40 overs ahead. Havant decided to let some of their younger high achievers go in first in a bid to help them build confidence at the expense of our mixed bowling attack, leaving the big guns to the middle order just in case we got lucky a couple of times. So the match and the expected mauling were to begin..................

3. The Havant Innings

Homewood’s first ball was akin to a Harmison style, over head high beamer, but at least the batsman couldn’t reach it, (think there was some laughter from the hutch at this point). Then strange things started to happen. Mark’s ability to swing the ball on the right day is well known, but few will have seen this Banana boy in action before. A couple of play and misses looked at least promising before we were greeted with the sight of a grinning Weasley ready to open the bowling at the other end, surely this could only end in tears. However ginger bowled a ball he may never repeat, cutting a delivery back from outside the off-stump to crash into the stumps, Homewood repeated the dose at the other end with a big swinger and they were two wickets down for not many, this of course would only hasten to arrival of the ‘A’ team.

But even Hannibal would struggled to find a plan to come together to deal with what was produced next. I am convinced the ball used was Australian given the boomerang like qualities now in evidence. By the time Homewood’s bananas had accounted for a couple more wickets, he then bowled the ball of his life. The ball seemed to be heading for first slip, the batsman left it, the ball turned late sharp corner and cannoned into the stumps. It went eerily quiet, the Havant team were 4 down for around 30 odd and Mr MCC and his mate Cardiff Colin were in to bat.

After a devastating spell Homewood had a break, Weasley came off and the big boys were faced with the prospect of an under confident, somewhat less than keen Merv the Swerve John Clancy.

This was an interesting captaincy decision by SiD, to pit our least confident bowler against some of the best batsman in the South. But somehow he knew something we didn’t. The batsman played some awesome straight drives from the other end before one attempted a forward defensive to Merv, only to hear the famous death rattle, beaten by a swerve special. The next big gun came in (apparently huge average for the Southern League etc) and was given the same treatment, walking quickly back to the pavilion. This was all getting surreal as no-one really knew what to say because this wasn’t really supposed to happen. The main man was still there and looking seriously good, you felt he could have beaten us on his own, but that was reckoning without Merv. The next over saw another straight delivery chipped back for a smart caught and bowled by the big man. Havant were 47-7 and Zee German was sent to the pavilion to take a picture of the scoreboard.

Incredibly Merv’s decimation of the oppo following on from Merlin Mark’s opening devastation took the score to 69-9 and we were faced with the prospect of bowling them out in 20 odd over’s. It is difficult to state how amazing this performance was and in most situations the last wicket would have been taken but to ensure a full tour match was played SiD took the foot rightly off the pedal and some extremely sensible batting from the last experienced pair took the score all the way to 141.

The two umpires brought along by the oppo were somewhat incredulous at the whole shebang; one of them said that Mark’s bowling spell, taking 4 wickets for 5 runs, was one of the best he’d seen for a number of years. Merv will never get out three better batsmen in his 4 wickets for 14. Morale had been lifted significantly and the moral high ground will stay forever in a small village just outside of Dorchester.

4. Charlton Down Innings

After all of this drama the CD innings was a bit of a damp squib. Openers Doyle and Venn strode to the crease, 6 runs from the first over were a false dawn as Matt holed out to a leaping catch by the token old boy in the Havant side, not bad for 80.

CD’s number three, zee German came in and sent the crowd wild with Italian style avoidance tactics, as the bowler had the temerity to bowl the ball at him. German ran out the way and the ball took out the middle stump. Jonny then waited at the crease to see if he was out, because bowling at the batsman shouldn’t be allowed surely!!

Doyle quickly followed with a limp fence at wide one and the writing was on the wall. Young Danielle had bowled well for Havant but was hoiked out of the ground by Butterworth, showing characteristic bad form. Two more huge hits by the big man led to a catch in the deep and resistance waned. Top scorer Weasley was last man out for 19 having been joined by perennial sick-note Cossens, complete with badly damaged body through 4 over’s of flighted filth, and CD had managed to collapse to 75 all out.

The game, though lost was a true demonstration of the great leveller that is cricket and stories from the events on this day will be told many times over the next few weeks, months and years by those lucky enough to be there.

The tour fines list received a huge battering and the oppo were rather bemused at the CD fielding theme of passing round a fetching pink cap and garden gloves every time some miss-fielded, but took it all in good heart.

The fining ceremony later in Lyndhurst took a number of hours and the pub was emptied of draught and bottled cider, before the chaos that followed later in the kebab house and back at camp. These stories will remain verbal to protect the guilty, although Cos’s attempts to create a sing-a-long with his iPod music system with tunes most of the younger members of the ensemble was interesting, although to be fair even the veteran author of this tome has never tried to sing a long to the ‘Laughing Policeman’ before.

Tour Report 2 will follow soon:

Your Cricket Correspondent

	Charlton Down Cricket Club

	Tour Match Report 1: We HAVANT a Chance................... 1. Pre-Match Preparation The Friday night of our visit to the New Forest was approached by those attending with great anticipation, ready to set off into the world of fun, frolics and outright skulduggery, known as the Charlton Down Cricket Tour. The events of the social side of the tour will remain, as they say, ‘on tour’, but those who were there will have some great memories of many events and will no doubt be willing to share. Saturday morning arrived fresh and clear, unlike the tourists, who eventually awoke and sat ‘quietly’ in the breakfast room offending other hotel visitors, families etc. After much apathy and listless inactivity the fantastic 5 (Homeskin, Sid, Doylie, Merv and Olly) realised the need to buy tea and beer and soon returned with a shopping trolley borrowed from Budgens loaded down with goodies, filled the fridge with beer and left no room for anything else. The trolley still remains somewhere in the grounds of the Penny Farthing Hotel. Making your own match tea and renting the ground from a team to play their opposition, without the knowledge of that same opposition, when you are a touring side is pretty creative even from this hapless tour organiser, but that was where we were when we arrived at the lovely ground of Curdridge CC. The rest of the tourists had arrived earlier at the hotel and the convoy had set off for the 30 min trip. I use convoy in the loosest sense as apparently to SiD this means drive off at high speed and attempt to make sure you lose everyone else in the convoy! Two things were noticeable as we arrived, firstly the realisation that Doylie had left his kit in the hotel, some 30 mins away, there is, as they say, no substitute for experience!! Secondly SiD had taken Weasley to a petrol station to get a drink and driven off without him. These were small hiccups eventually overcome, as spare kit was found and Weasley took the long walk. 2. Build Up to The Match Havant have won the Southern League Premier Division four times in the last five years, given the level of players they have in their team this is not surprising. Whilst applauding these successes, it is probably fair to say the level of the two teams could not really be further apart. So when the Havant captain was greeted with an opposition of bleary eyed, hungover miscreants, some of whom took up the sport in the last year, some of whom may have had their best days some while ago and number of which had significantly increased their trouser size in recent years, he would be forgiven for not envisaging a competitive contest. He did however retain his sense of humour, given the howls of laughter when Doylie explained the skill levels present and various fitness states of the side. He explained he had 6 premier league players in the side, one of whom had scored over 4,000 runs for the MCC, another who captained Cardiff University and fielded for England in a test match, as well as a host of other high achievers. In a somewhat condescending manner he agreed to bat first and stated he would do his best to give us some kind of game. The CD side retreated to the dressing room with a fair degree of apprehension regarding the 40 overs ahead. Havant decided to let some of their younger high achievers go in first in a bid to help them build confidence at the expense of our mixed bowling attack, leaving the big guns to the middle order just in case we got lucky a couple of times. So the match and the expected mauling were to begin.................. 3. The Havant Innings Homewood’s first ball was akin to a Harmison style, over head high beamer, but at least the batsman couldn’t reach it, (think there was some laughter from the hutch at this point). Then strange things started to happen. Mark’s ability to swing the ball on the right day is well known, but few will have seen this Banana boy in action before. A couple of play and misses looked at least promising before we were greeted with the sight of a grinning Weasley ready to open the bowling at the other end, surely this could only end in tears. However ginger bowled a ball he may never repeat, cutting a delivery back from outside the off-stump to crash into the stumps, Homewood repeated the dose at the other end with a big swinger and they were two wickets down for not many, this of course would only hasten to arrival of the ‘A’ team. But even Hannibal would struggled to find a plan to come together to deal with what was produced next. I am convinced the ball used was Australian given the boomerang like qualities now in evidence. By the time Homewood’s bananas had accounted for a couple more wickets, he then bowled the ball of his life. The ball seemed to be heading for first slip, the batsman left it, the ball turned late sharp corner and cannoned into the stumps. It went eerily quiet, the Havant team were 4 down for around 30 odd and Mr MCC and his mate Cardiff Colin were in to bat. After a devastating spell Homewood had a break, Weasley came off and the big boys were faced with the prospect of an under confident, somewhat less than keen Merv the Swerve John Clancy. This was an interesting captaincy decision by SiD, to pit our least confident bowler against some of the best batsman in the South. But somehow he knew something we didn’t. The batsman played some awesome straight drives from the other end before one attempted a forward defensive to Merv, only to hear the famous death rattle, beaten by a swerve special. The next big gun came in (apparently huge average for the Southern League etc) and was given the same treatment, walking quickly back to the pavilion. This was all getting surreal as no-one really knew what to say because this wasn’t really supposed to happen. The main man was still there and looking seriously good, you felt he could have beaten us on his own, but that was reckoning without Merv. The next over saw another straight delivery chipped back for a smart caught and bowled by the big man. Havant were 47-7 and Zee German was sent to the pavilion to take a picture of the scoreboard. Incredibly Merv’s decimation of the oppo following on from Merlin Mark’s opening devastation took the score to 69-9 and we were faced with the prospect of bowling them out in 20 odd over’s. It is difficult to state how amazing this performance was and in most situations the last wicket would have been taken but to ensure a full tour match was played SiD took the foot rightly off the pedal and some extremely sensible batting from the last experienced pair took the score all the way to 141. The two umpires brought along by the oppo were somewhat incredulous at the whole shebang; one of them said that Mark’s bowling spell, taking 4 wickets for 5 runs, was one of the best he’d seen for a number of years. Merv will never get out three better batsmen in his 4 wickets for 14. Morale had been lifted significantly and the moral high ground will stay forever in a small village just outside of Dorchester. 4. Charlton Down Innings After all of this drama the CD innings was a bit of a damp squib. Openers Doyle and Venn strode to the crease, 6 runs from the first over were a false dawn as Matt holed out to a leaping catch by the token old boy in the Havant side, not bad for 80. CD’s number three, zee German came in and sent the crowd wild with Italian style avoidance tactics, as the bowler had the temerity to bowl the ball at him. German ran out the way and the ball took out the middle stump. Jonny then waited at the crease to see if he was out, because bowling at the batsman shouldn’t be allowed surely!! Doyle quickly followed with a limp fence at wide one and the writing was on the wall. Young Danielle had bowled well for Havant but was hoiked out of the ground by Butterworth, showing characteristic bad form. Two more huge hits by the big man led to a catch in the deep and resistance waned. Top scorer Weasley was last man out for 19 having been joined by perennial sick-note Cossens, complete with badly damaged body through 4 over’s of flighted filth, and CD had managed to collapse to 75 all out. The game, though lost was a true demonstration of the great leveller that is cricket and stories from the events on this day will be told many times over the next few weeks, months and years by those lucky enough to be there. The tour fines list received a huge battering and the oppo were rather bemused at the CD fielding theme of passing round a fetching pink cap and garden gloves every time some miss-fielded, but took it all in good heart. The fining ceremony later in Lyndhurst took a number of hours and the pub was emptied of draught and bottled cider, before the chaos that followed later in the kebab house and back at camp. These stories will remain verbal to protect the guilty, although Cos’s attempts to create a sing-a-long with his iPod music system with tunes most of the younger members of the ensemble was interesting, although to be fair even the veteran author of this tome has never tried to sing a long to the ‘Laughing Policeman’ before. Tour Report 2 will follow soon: Your Cricket Correspondent